Places I Should Never Work

This time last year I was teaching at a school where I thought I would stay until retirement. Wow! Was I ever wrong! Flash forward a few months to the spring when we began anticipating a move to New York. Thus, I found myself back in the hunt for a job.  As a result, I thought about places I should never work, and jobs I should never accept.

In the spirit of fun, I developed a top 10 list. This is a list of 10 jobs that I would not be good at doing. I am, however, very grateful for the many people who tackle these jobs on a daily basis.

10.  Chicken catcher – I first saw this job posted in a Lancaster County newspaper and thought it was a joke. I didn’t realize this was a career for some folks. I have to say that these days I am out of shape, so I don’t think I could out run or catch up with a chicken. Even though, according to eHow, “an average chicken, in good health, running at maximum speed, can [only] travel 9 miles per hour.” Compared to the 19 mile an hour average speed of a household dog, a chicken’s speed is not very fast. However, “chickens tend to move quickly in short spurts, and” have the “ability to take flight when under attack.” Personally, I tend to move quickly in short spurts as well, but that only lasts so long before I have to take a break.


9.  Wastewater treatment operator at a chicken processing plant – Many years ago I actually applied for a job like this. I was about 4 months pregnant at the time I interviewed and toured the facility. The smell was unbearable. Fortunately, I had passed the point where smells affected me and made me nauseous. I would have been mortified if I was overcome by a wave of nausea during the interview process. For various reasons, I passed on the position.


8.  Bug Zapper – I don’t like bugs! Creepy crawly things creep me out. Those of you who are in this business, I need your # on standby. You handle the bugs. Me though, I’m more interested in the rocks that bugs hide under. Well, unless the bugs are crickets or grasshoppers, which make great fishing bait.


7.  Animal catcher – What happens when you catch a skunk? Snakes – ugh! And I would have nightmares about rats!


6.  Doctor or nurse – Blood is not my friend. Well, I do need it to survive, but just the thought of blood makes me queasy. Even typing this part is making my stomach churn. So it would not be a good thing for me to attempt to patch up a patient, but end up doing a face plant on the floor because I passed out. Who wants their medical personnel to need attention as a result of trying to give patient care? OK – I have to take a break and go lay down until my stomach settles.

Whew…feeling a bit better now!


5.  Beef processor – I once toured a beef packing plant and the tour was overwhelming. There was a guy standing on a moving vertical platform and at the same time using a circular type saw to slice down the middle of a cow. This made me cringe. I was terrified he was going to fall off the platform and accidentally kill himself


4.  Prison Guard – I watch too many prison documentaries. I don’t know if the stuff they show is real, but I don’t want to find out.


3.  Deodorant tester – I can’t imagine smelling armpits for a living.


2.  Port-a-potty cleaner – I know that someone has to do this job, and it is a needed service. I’m just not the person for the task.  Cereal

  1.  Cat food taste tester – When I was a kid, my mother once mistook Tender Vittles for cereal. She tried to convince me that it was ok to eat. I assured her the brown bite sized morsels in the jar was cat food and I didn’t want it for breakfast. This mysterious cereal looking contents was confirmed by my grandmother to indeed be Tender Vittles. She was the one who stored the cat food in a glass peanut butter jar and placed the jar in the pantry . . . for her cat. So, no thank you – even though the average salary for this job is around $ 40K, I still prefer people food.

Would you like to weigh in here? What’s on your list of jobs you’d prefer someone else tackle?

by Jill Printzenhoff

Some photos are compliments of morguefile


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